Hanging High
by JSweetHeart86
Summary: An adventure in blackwater, Jake is torn between the two women he loves.  How will he decide who he can't live with out? Lies, pain, and drama for all parties involved.  I will warn you that Bella is in this fic.  Entry for Paws & Art Contest, Banner # 9.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: **__Hey everyone this is my very first attempt at publishing and writing a FanFic, so be kind LOL. This One Shot is an entry for a contest.  
><em>_**Beta:**__Dorme99, U rock and I would say I owe you my first born but he's already here, LOL. Hopefully you'll settle for a Wolfy Hug :-)  
><em>_**Paws & Art  
>Title: Hanging High<br>Penname: JB-Wolfgirl86 (Jacob's Sweetheart86)  
>Banner:#9<br>Rating:MA  
>Summary: <strong>__Banner # Jacob has to decide who he can survive without his Wife or the girl of his fantasies. This is an adventure in Blackwater but Bella is involved. I do use mild foul language and there are some sexual situations but no citrus. I hope you like and please review!  
><em>_**To see all the stories that are a part of this contest please visit: http: / / printingpawss . blogspot . com/**_

**Hanging High**

_Oh I'm hanging high  
>Oh won't you let me down<br>Back where I started at  
>You know I'm a little lost<br>And when it hurts the most  
>I'll push a little more<br>I'm back where I started at  
>You know I'm a little lost<br>Like lightning in my heart  
>A kiss so burning hot<br>I'm hanging on a thread that's bound to drop  
>Like rain on open skies<br>Don't know the reason why  
>But I'll always choose the black in front of white<br>- Lykke Li, " Hanging High"_

I never understood why some people think that living a double life is hard. Living a life of secrets, lies, and passion is easier to do when you morph into a gigantic wolf. To say I have problems is an understatement, on the outside I look like anyone else. Sure, I am tall, tan, and built; but I am also the model son, the Chief of the Quileute nation, and running a very profitable mechanic and auto parts business. On a personal level I finally have the woman of my teenage dreams, Bella. She's mine all mine.

So, with all that said I shouldn't want for anything, but I do. I have dark side to me that is still in love with her. Everyday, it calls out for her. I need her because she started to replace Bella in my heart and if I am being truly honest with myself she's in my heart to stay.

Just thinking about Leah's name makes my whole body hurt. Just to say her name or hear it is starting to drive me insane. Leah has always been around hanging out with my sisters, but I remember the first time I noticed her as more than just Rachel and Rebecca's friend.

_**Flashback 5 years ago**_

_"What are you doing Black? Messing around with car parts again, typical." Leah was leaning in the doorway of my garage sprouting her usual insults._

I turn my head in her direction and retort, "You know Leah, don't you have a little brother and a boyfriend that you can fuck with? I'm just saying what I do should be the least of your worries."

Leah walks into my garage and props herself up against the russet colored truck I am working on for Charlie. He plans on giving it to Bella when she returns to Forks in a couple of weeks, and this time it's for good. Leah continues to take up space when suddenly she says , " Maybe I'm not picking on you Jacob, maybe I want to help you? Maybe I don't look at you in the same light that I see my little brother Seth in."

This was not what I was expecting her to say. I slide out from under the truck to look at her face because I was counting down the seconds until she yelled, "Just kidding Black, you're such a sucker!"

_Yet that's not the look she had on first when I locked eyes with her. There was only seriousness in her gaze, and something I couldn't put my finger on but it kicked my heartbeat up a notch. For the first time, I really got a good look at her. She was beautiful and not in the girl next door or my sister is beautiful kind of way; no she looked like a woman. The kind that graces the covers of Maxim magazine or Victoria's Secret. She was the woman of my dreams. I am starring into her eyes and she's looking back at me waiting for me to say something. What the hell am I suppose to say to her? She has a boyfriend, a serious boyfriend. Sure he's been acting strange lately but their working it out, right?_

"Jacob, are you going to say something, anything? I know this is weird, but I feel like I am losing Sam. Things haven't been the same since he's came back from his weeks on sabbatical or whatever the hell he was doing! I know we're not going to make it, I can feel him slipping away. Jacob the only thing that makes it bearable is you. I think of you and I feel free, alive, and new."

Leah lets out a breath I don't even think she knew she was holding. I look into her hazel eyes. Leah' eyes threatened to spill over with tears at any moment. What am I going to say to her? I wish this was all some sort of joke but it's not. I wish that I was dreaming. Honestly, I've never felt more alive. I stand up and wipe my dirt and grease covered hands on my already stained jeans.

"Leah, where is all this coming from? I mean what are you saying exactly? Yes, we're close, almost like family now that Rachel and Rebecca are off discovering the world outside the reservation. Your engaged, look at your left hand Leah. Sam isn't leaving you."

_I grab her hand to try to ground her in reality, to make her see the truth in my words. When I touched her hand that day, something happened. The air around us changed, the heavens and the earth under our feet shifted. Faster than I thought humanly possible Leah was on top of me. I don't know when we went from standing to laying on the futon in the corner, but I was glad to be there. Leah was kissing me and I was kissing her back. I don't know when or how we ended up naked. Time seemed to be moving in slow motion but fast forwarding all at the same time. Does ecstasy feel like this?_

The next thing I register is the fact that I didn't know where her body ended and mine began. Before this I never even kissed a girl, or seen one naked in real life but it didn't matter because in this never ending moment I knew what to do. I just knew what Leah wanted and she definitely knew what she was doing to me. I don't think we spoke a word but when it was over Leah left that day with more than just my virginity she took a piece of my heart. A piece I am just now realizing she had all this time. A piece that is growing bigger each day.

_**End of Flashback**_

"Jake! Jake, Jake! JJJJJAAAAAKKKEEEEEE!"

Bella is screaming my name to the point that her porcelain cheeks are stained with her natural blush. She's quirking her eyebrows at me in irritation. "Jake, what are you in here thinking about in the middle of the night? You never came to bed; I was so cold without you."

She's looking at me with those doe eyes of hers, those chocolate pools that have caused both of us big time drama.

"Honey, I was just thinking about my speech for the ground breaking ceremony for the new tribal center and school. I don't want to disappoint my dad, and you know this is my first big thing as an Elder and a Chief. I just want it to be perfect."

I get up and walk over to the doorway were my very beautiful and very pregnant wife is standing with her arms folded across her chest, she is staring at me as if she's trying to look into my soul. Bella isn't easily fooled she knows I was not thinking about my speech, but she's not going to call me on it because that's an argument that is over before it even starts. If I was being honest with myself and I am being honest today, then I'd realize I am an asshole. I mean I finally got what I thought I wanted. What I said I'd fight for until her heart stopped beating. Bella, Bella, Bella her name doesn't even make me feel like it use to, and I know it's because of Leah.

I take her hand and walk with her back to our bedroom. "Bella, I know things have been hard lately I just want to make sure everything is in order before the baby comes; but in a few weeks it'll just be the three of us for awhile, okay?"

I finish my explanation as we reach the bed and Bella is already making herself comfortable. I am standing there looking at her and the bed trying to figure out if I really want to be in there with her, but it's too late to back out now, her hand is extended toward me in an effort to pull me in behind her. I follow her command and lay down with a heavy heart and confused mind. I really do love Bella, or at least I thought I did all those years ago. In some sick, twisted, dark fantasy way I now know what she meant when she told me, "I love you but it's not enough." I get it an feel it now. I love Bella, but now I know I love Leah more.

Bella brings me out of my masochistic thoughts when she turns to face me and says, "This is what you wanted Jacob. I mean this is what you fought so hard for. I gave him up for you, Jake. I walked away from not just Edward, but his family, the money, everything for you. Hell, I left him at our wedding reception for you. I can't lose you Jake! Not to her. I mean we're having a baby Jacob; we're married, we have a life together! You promised me it was over and you said that you would never leave me with this baby alone. Or do you not care about us anymore? I mean maybe I should just kill myself and make it easy on you? Is that what you want me to do? Huh, is that what you want me to do Jacob!"

I take a deep breath. I knew this was coming. She gets more and more self-destructive everyday and everyday I see how wrong I was in believing her. I am well versed in her daily threats of self mutilation and suicide, her daily and hourly rants to guilt me into doing her bidding; and more importantly her daily reminder of all the wealth and happiness she walked away from for me. I guess a seven figure salary , and being with a shape shifting alpha to a pack of overgrown men was being with a loser these days.

"Isabella, I never held a gun to your head and forced you to come with me. You made a choice that night (and so did I), and since that night I have tried to make you happy. (and since that night I have tried to forget Leah, but I can't.) I was honest with you I let you know what went on between Leah and me. I was torn and bruised and in love with both of you just like you were in love with Edward and me!"

I gave her a minute to process what I was saying, but I also gave me a minute to think about the things I wasn't saying. " Your right, I did make promises, we took vows (so did you and Leah...you marked her.) and I am trying here Bella, I am but I still have memories, ok. They just don't go away and now she's back..."

I rub my hands across my face and leave that sentence hanging in the air between us. I am not confident in how I should end that sentence. She's back, but what does that mean? I want things to be like before, but they can't, right? I mean she's back but things have changed I'm married now to the girl of my dreams... the girl of my teenage dreams.

Bella interrupted my internal monologue. "Jake, I don't want to fight. I don't want to dig up the past. I just want you to love me for me. I just want to be your world again. Let's just go to sleep ok." Bella finished her apology, I guess that was an apology. She kissed me and I let her do it even though I felt empty. Even though, I felt like something was wrong with her, with me, with us. Bella drifted off to sleep while I laid there with her heavy in my arms as my mind began to drift again.

After that fateful day in the garage with Leah, we started a relationship of sorts. A relationship that started out very physical and very much away to escape all the problems she was having with Sam. I used her to fill in the gaps I guess. No words were needed she'd show up and used me as a canvass to paint out all the feelings she had inside but didn't want to talk about. We never made promises or any kind of declarations but every time we were close it felt like we were in are own little world. We were surrounded by love and light and peace, it was magical, and we were hanging high. When we did talk it was more along the lines of a teacher talking to pupil, was I the teacher or the student? I didn't really care, but that all changed when Sam left Leah for her cousin Emily.

She became the predator and I was definitely her prey. She was a wolf in sheep's clothing and I was the lamb; but still I loved every moment of it. At the same time, the beautiful soul I knew as a child turned black with everyone but me. Sometimes I wish I would have taken her up on her offer back then. I wish I just had settled for being Bella's best friend and save all three of us the drama.

_**Flashback 4 years 6 months ago**_

_"Leah, you don't know what your saying. It's too soon. I get that Sam has moved on and you feel like you want to move on too but with me Leah? Really how would that work?" I looked into Leah's eyes she was thinking too deep as usual. When did our relationship, friendship, mutual agreements get this far out of hand. It was suppose to be casual. I was supposed to be learning something for the future, things that I could use on another girl. My teenage dream who was Bella. I didn't want to tell Leah about how Bella was more to me than just a friend that I was helping during a rough time; but I owed it to Leah to tell her._

Leah was pissed and she turned to look out the car window before she began to speak. "Your turning into Sam. I can see it more and more each day. Look at you, your body is not the same anymore your filling out everyday. Soon, you'll be just like Paul, Jared, and Embry following behind Sam every where he goes! What's wrong with me Jacob?"

She turned her back to the window to face me; her eyes were accusing me of a betrayal that hasn't really happened yet. She continued her rant, "I am good enough to take your virginity, I am good enough to sneak away with, I am good enough to fuck all the time, but I am not good enough to be the future chief's wife? That's it, right Black?"

Her face was now stained with tears and her eyes were back on mine pleading with me to tell her she's wrong. Or maybe she wants me to say that she's right.

"Love, that's not the truth. You know it's more than just sex with us Leah. I love you, I've just, I am IN love with someone else." I wasn't lying but it felt like I was because I was very much IN love with Leah maybe even more than I was in love with Bella.

"You're more than good enough for me Leah and I am never going to run off and follow Sam and his gang. I hate him for what he did to you. You already know this."

I leaned a little closer to Leah thankfully, this car had bench front seats. Then suddenly I was speaking the truth to her, " You already know this Leah you are my life today, tomorrow, forever."

_She moved closer to and then my traitors lips spoke again, "Just not like that. I am sorry." I finished my speech and grabbed her into my arms. We were parked in our spot a little hideaway we found up in Hoquiam, a place were we could be close and no one would know. Leah grabbed my face and undid my ponytail. As my black curtain of hair surrounded us, she inched her face closer and when Leah's sweet lips touched mine I felt that magical connection that we've always shared since that day in my garage._

Leah began to talk in between her lips connecting with my skin, "Black, do you think we can make love out of lust? Do you think that we can ever be more than this? I know about Bella. I know you have feelings for her, but Jake she's broken and it may never work between you two. I'll wait. I'll wait for you Black."

She started taking off my clothes and I let her, Lord knows I couldn't deny her, but I couldn't speak at the moment either. I didn't want to think about not getting my dream girl. I didn't want to think about not making love to Leah ever again. I was caught between the two. Once her hand reached inside my pants I was all hers at least for the night.

_**End of Flashback**_

Life is hard, but life goes on. I need to sleep and these flashbacks of a fool are not helping; I need to, no I have to make a choice tonight. I've got to remember everything I did and I've got to make it right. I turned over in bed away from Bella and looked at the clock. It was two in the morning and I was more confused than ever. Leah had been right I did end up following Sam and his gang around it just wasn't what she thought it was. We were a pack not a gang. Leah was right about Bella too because she never gave me a chance she went running back to her bloodsucker.

Matter of fact she ran half way around the world to save him and brought him back to Forks. What Leah didn't know was that her father was going to die, or that Seth and her were about to join the clandestine world of supernatural creatures. Thank God, Leah and I were able to keep our thoughts to ourselves most of the time and keep the pack out of our arrangement. Bella came back with her Leech and his sparkly family in tow, and whatever chance that we had together seemed lost forever. So I did what I do best. I substituted the holes in my life with Leah. I replaced Bella with Leah.

_**Flashback 3 years and 6months ago**_

_"I don't care anymore Leah. I don't care if the whole pack knows about us. I don't care if Bella finds out about us. Let's really do it this time. Let's really be together officially." We were parked out at our favorite spot in Hoquiam again. Her face lit up like Christmas morning. I had finally spoken the words she has been waiting for, and Lord knows she has waited long enough. Leah was mine and I loved it for the moment. I was trying to be the man and the Alpha I was born to be now. So, who was better than Leah to be by my side? My internal voice answered me Bella, Bella could have been there; but if she wanted to be with Edward than so be it. I can be with Leah. I am with Leah. She loves me, she adores me, she needs me, and she's mine._

"Today, tomorrow, forever."

Leah states our almost sacred vows as she starts to unbutton her black dress. She locks eyes with me before she continues, "If we do this now Black there's no going back. I'll never go back to being your placeholder."

Leah threw her dress into the back seat and reached out for my hand. I let her pull me to her; I let her take my silence and compliance as an answer. As if she is reading my mind she stops kissing me and told me I needed to say it. She leaves out but implies that I more importantly need to mean it.

"Leah, I promise you, today, tomorrow, forever I'll only make love to you." At the time I believed it. I really wanted it to be true. I wanted to forget all about Bella Swan and her sparkly ass boyfriend. I wanted Leah so I took her, claimed her, and marked her so the whole word would know that she was mine! I also hoped that it would stop that nagging feeling I had for Bella.

_**End of flashback**_

Lying in this bed was not helping at all. I got up and headed for the sofa. This whole situation was royally fucked up, but then I did this to myself. I marked Leah way back then and Sam, my dad, and the council were not happy about it but what could they do? I had took over as Alpha and technically I was Chief, so what could they really do but grumble and complain. Things between Leah and I were great for a while until Bella started to creep her way back into my life.

Bella did find out about Leah and me. I mean her father was just starting to hang around Sue Clearwater more and he was able to give her all the sordid details. From Leah spending late nights and early morning at my place to Charlie catching Leah and I in her bed and a very compromising position. I hope she was hurting so needless to say I was surprised when she invited me and Leah to her graduation party. I was even more surprised to learn that the Cullen clan had been planning for a battle between them and a newborn army of vampires who were coming after Bella. Great, just what I needed a distraction so I offered the packs help; I mean our whole reason for existing is to kill the cold ones and these vampires were not protected in the treaty. Plus, that little voice and my head wanted to still please Bella I wanted to be her hero.

Leah already knew this was about my need for Bella and she took the opportunity once we were alone to remind me I was her's now forever. If we weren't wolves I think Leah wouldn't have been able to walk right after the things I did to her that night in my garage. I had to teach her a lesson for doubting me, but in the end she was right.

We fought alongside our enemy that day and emerged victorious against the newborn army, and once everything had settled down Bella came to my house and dropped a bomb on me.

_**Flashback 3 years and 2 months ago**_

_"Jake, I need to talk to you for a moment alone, if that's ok with Leah?"_

Bella looked at Leah and me with pleading eyes. What was she even doing here? I mean what could we possibly have left to talk about? Leah, reached up and placed her hand on my check so that I would look her in the eyes she nodded her head yes and then turned to face Bella and said, " If he wants to talk to you I won 't stop him."

Bella nodded her head, turned her molten chocolate gaze on me and asked, "So can we, talk Jake it won't take long. I am sure you'll be glad to hear what I have to say."

I rose up from spot on the sofa a little too eagerly for Leah's liking because she turned her attention back to the television. I followed her out of the house and into the backyard. We didn't say anything or acknowledge the others presence until we reached my garage.

Once, we were inside she spun around to face me but I cut her words off with my own reply, "Well, you've got me alone what's your big and important news. What's so important that you felt you needed to tear yourself away from your beloved leech and grace us poor natives with your presence."

I didn't mean for it to come out so harsh but I had a feeling that this was going to bad. Bella shifted on her feet and stared at the dirt floor of my garage as if it held the answers to all our problems. She finally lifted her hair out of her face and let her mahogany waves fall down her shoulders.

_She started talking but she never lifted her gazed from the floor. When did she get so timid and small? Where was my Bella, where was my teenage dream? "Jake, Jacob, Edward and I are getting married in two months. He's going to change me but he'll do it once we're out of Forks so he doesn't violate the treaty. I know you have a life now that doesn't involve me anymore but I thought you should know. I wanted it to come from me. I was stupid before, I didn't know what I could have had with you. I hope Leah doesn't make the same mistake._

I love you Jacob. I am in love with you and I can't bear watching you be with Leah it hurts too much. So, I owe to Edward, I owe it to Leah, and I owe it to you to make this marriage work with him. I've been told that once your changed your human memories start to fade so that's the only solution I can come up with to get over you. Maybe, I'll just die in the process of becoming a vampire that would be an even better solution for you. You wouldn't have to worry about me anymore; or maybe I'll die before that even happens. Edward and I are going on a honeymoon and he just might kill me then. I don't know maybe by some sick twist of fate I'll make it through our honeymoon alive and I'll make it through the change too; and the pack will have to take me out like the newborns."

Bella started laughing and finally raised her head to look at me in the eyes. She took a step forward and put her arms around me. I felt her trying to breathe me in.

"Bells, what has gotten into you? Why say all of that. You made the choice here not me. I was there for you I fought for you. I put you back together and you said it wasn't enough. So, yeah I went with Leah. I was with her long before you showed up. Stop, trying to make me feel bad, if that's the life you want, if that's the risk your willing to take then so be it. I am not the one to blame your situation on Bella; this, this whole fucked up mess is all your fault!"

Reaching my head up to her face, I cupped her cheek, and kissed her forehead and then I let her go and walked out of the garage. I was walking away from the dream. I was going to live my reality, and the reality was that Edward had won. I didn't want to lose especially to a filthy bloodsucking leech.

_**End of Flashback**_

If only walking out of the garage that day would have solved all my problems. If only I could have really walked away from Bella that day and been happy with Leah; but at the time Leah was Leah, and she wasn't what I thought I needed. She wasn't Bella.

It took Bella exactly two months to plan a wedding and it took me the same amount of time to decide to ruin my entire life. Leah has been out of my life for three years because of what I did on Bella's wedding day to Edward.

Leah, Leah, Leah her name is like my heartbeat; she's the woman of my dreams, but she is also the woman of my nightmares. Everything about her haunts me and truth be told the minute I turned my back on her I was in pain but I used Bella to numb it and to push it away. I used Bella like a painkiller, a drug to substitute my need for Leah. When did they switch in my heart?  
>When did I stop looking at Leah as the replacement and Bella as my dream girl? Problem is I don't want a girl, I want a woman. I want just one woman in particular. Leah, I can still smell her scent in my nose. Her exotic blend of vanilla and citrus during the summer months; and vanilla, sandalwood, and cinnamon in the winter.<p>

In my mind's eye, I can see every line of her skin, down to her rabbit shaped birthmark on her inner thigh. I can still feel her warm embrace and the softness of her hair rubbing up against my chest . I can even see her in my favorite dress the one that we would always fight over. "It's winter white, Black!" She'd yell at me with a slight smirk on her lips and I would shrug my shoulders because white is white right ?

As the years went by I realized that white and beige do come in varying degrees and I prefer winter white on russet, golden skin any day to ...I shouldn't think that Bella's my wife, now. I have no right to feel like this for Leah. After all, I was the one that sent her away, I was the one that shattered her heart and mine three years ago. I left Leah first, she just made the separation more permanent.

_**Flashback 3 years ago**_

_I'm probably an idiot. You know what scratch that I am an idiot for doing what I am about to do to Leah; but Leah just isn't Bella and I have to end it today. I can't lose to a leech I am the Alpha I should be able to have whoever I want whenever I want. I have to try one last time and today is the day. She's marrying him tonight and Leah isn't going anywhere she's mine._

If it fails I can come back to her. If I win I still have her. This is so wrong! I look out the window the sun is dawning the horizon, I turn and I see Leah stirring next to me she opens her eyes smiling at me; but if there's a hell that is exactly where I am going to for treating Leah like this. She's never hurt me she's stood by me through everything and all she ever asked me for was to make this last forever; but love is a drug and right now I need a hit of Bella.

" Black, I am surprised your awake after last night. I'm surprised I am awake before sunset."

Leah's fully awake now and she finally really looks at me. She sits up in the bed and takes in the atmosphere of the room. Faster than humanly possible, she's kneeling on the floor in front of me. "Jacob, what is it? I know today is her wedding, do you want to go? I mean she was your best friend so I understand if you're worried about her. Remember, it's her choice Jake. You know that right, Bella chooses Edward just like you choose me."

_Leah is staring at me expectantly, she is waiting for me to agree to look at her and laugh it off. She might even accept me lying to her like I've been for the past two months, but I won't. I can't hurt her anymore._

I move off the bed and slide down on the floor in front of her and like the true bastard I am I put my arms around her. I kiss the scar that is from me marking her and I think about making love to her one last time. One last time, can I do that? Is it wrong?

Before I can finish my internal battle I've let Leah over power me. She's straddling me waiting for me to give her confirmation; waiting for me to say our sacred vow. " Leah, we need to talk. Your right I want to go to Bella's wedding tonight, but I don't want you to go with me. I know I made a lot of promises to you but I have to try one last time. I have to make her see that this is wrong, that I am perfect for her. I can't lose to him Leah. I just can't lose her to him!"

Even though, I wasn't moving I felt like I was out of breath. I was in pain, the most intense pain of my life. I start rubbing my chest, but Leah starts yelling at me right away.

"Jacob Ephraim Black, do not do this to me! I won't stand around and put you back together again when she leaves with him tonight. I am not going to stand by and wait for you anymore. I won't step aside and watch her be with you if she does choose you over him tonight. I can't do it. I'm not going to be here and watch Sam happy, and then look at you happy with another woman. A woman who is not me. I am through with feeling inferior Jacob."

She was now pacing the small space that I call a room. "So, Chief what do you want ? Bella or me choose now, but know if you choose Bella that I am walking out of this house and I am not coming back ."

_Leah finally stopped pacing now, and she was gathering up her discarded clothes from the night before. She was waiting for my answer, and I had one. I just knew that in my heart neither one of us wanted to hear it._

I got up from my place on the floor and I crossed the tiny space to get to her. Those few short seconds I spent trying to memorize every single detail about my Leah. My Leah, she belonged to me I knew it in the deepest part of my heart but I want a chance to live my fantasy. I prepared to strike the final blow as I grabbed her hands.

"Remember, when you asked if we could make love out of lust? We tried Leah, we gave it our all but I think we should stop just for a little while. Don't leave Leah, I told you today, tomorrow, forever. I'll always be there for you. I'll always support you Leah. I swear."

I looked at her and I had said our vow but we both know I changed it, I twisted it to suit my needs. I just need for Leah to work with me here, give me a little slack let me be Alpha wolf and have everything I want. Bella, was my new addiction, my fantasy, I had to have her and I wasn't going to lose to my mortal enemy.

_  
>Leah is shaking her head no before the words even leave her lips, "Black, that 's not what you said and you know it! You promised only me forever Jacob, does that ring a bell? Not sometimes, not every now and again, not when you feel like it, forever. I am leaving Jake; I don't care if it kills us both. Wolves mate for life, Jacob or have you forgotten that? We are technically married under pack law, did you forget that too?"<em>

Her voice was getting louder by the minute and I was thankful that Billy was over at Sue's place right now . She pushed pass me into the hallway and was making a run for the back door. I took off behind her.

"Leah, Leah wait up where the hell do you think you're going?" I shout at her now that we are in the backyard.

"I am sorry all might alpha but have you forgotten I can't be with anyone else! I am marked now. What are you going to do Alpha order me to stay?"

Her eyes were challenging me but I couldn't do that. So I held my hands up in surrender and watched her perfect body run into the forest. I watched her run away with my heart. The pain in my chest crippled me. I passed out on the grass.

_**End of Flashback**_

Here, I am another sleepless night and dawn is approaching again. I haven't seen or talked to Leah since that day. I woke up in the grass and went through with my plan. I went to Bella's wedding reception. I poured out what was left of my heart to her and by some random act of fate she took me. She walked out of her own wedding reception for me. That temporary moment of victory against Edward was enough to dull the pain, and Bella was the cure for Leah for a whole year. But I had fooled myself. Leah wasn't gone from heart, or my mind, or even my dreams. She called to me like a siren's song. I would look at Bella and for a brief moment, her features would morph into Leah. I was loosing my mind.

By the second year I was taking it day by day; and now I can't even keep the past separate from the future. I am always zoning out. Getting flickers of all the mistakes I've made. Forgetting taking it day by day; it's been three years and I am taking it minute by minute. That's how I got married to Bella . I pretended she was Leah, that's how I made love to her too. I'd close my eyes and see Leah's body. I was in my own personal hell and I had no one to blame but myself.

What the hell was Leah doing here. She just waltz back into La Push like she owned the place. She came into my office, said hello, kissed me, and walked away. Three years and that's what you do? Where the hell has she been? Why isn't she in pain like I am? Why won't she talk to me. I look at the clock on the wall, it's six am. I jump up and grab my sneakers. Fuck this. I am done waiting . I can feel and smell Leah all around me, I am answering her siren's call today. I need answers I can't live this half as life with Bella anymore. I want my heart back. I need my heart back. Leah

_**Leah's POV**_

Oh, Jacob, I know he's finally coming for me I can feel it. I know he wants answers and I know I am going to cave in and give them to him. I don't think he's going to like it. I mean what man wants to hear that your "so-called" perfect wife is having an affair with your best friend? I shake my head in disgust.

Bella is a plague, a lingering infection that is going to turn this reservation into a bad episode of Maury; but there's nothing I can do about it now. Bella was Jake's dream girl. Ha! That's a load of bullshit. She played him like a "two-dollar" bill and her vampire family helped her do it.

I need to calm down he's almost here. I can hear him coming now. I have to play it cool, I've got to hide the pain. I can't let him know how being away from him has been like living in hell because in actuality. I never really left. I mean physically I left but I always had eyes on him. I always had someone watching him and Bella. I pour another glass of wine and chug it down. He's on the steps. He's right on the other side of the door. "

Bitch up Leah!" I chant that over and over in my head as I cross the space and open the door. Oh my God, he's still everything I ever wanted and so much more. We stare at each other I move aside and let him in.

Jake, closes the door and stalks over to me like a predator but I extend my arms out to keep him from touching me.

"I know you want answers, Black. I am sorry but what I tell you is not going to be nice."

He's looking at me and all of a sudden he overpowers me. I'm pinned up against the wall. He's growling at me as he inhales my scent.

"Tell me later, Leah, because all I want to do right now is make you scream!"

Was that an order? I don't know and I don't care. I can finally breathe again. My heart is on fire, I am hanging high in the clouds. All the bullshit can wait. Right now, I have my man back. Right now, I am Leah again. Right now, I am his. Right now, our son is sleeping at my mother's house. Jacob and I our one fucked up pair!

**EN: Do you hate me? *evil laugh* I couldn't make it that easy, I might want to pick this up again when the contest is over LOL. Please review and don't stone me :-**


	2. Chapter 2 Genesis

**AN**: _Yeah, I don't own twilight...not the movie franchise, or the characters, I am not making a profit at all except in the form of reviews so... don't hesitate to leave one. Warning there is a bit of a standoff in this chapter... I in no way support domestic violence so please don't think I am for it._

**Beta**: Dormee99... U are the beta of my dreams :-)

**Rating**: M

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><p><em>I was a heavy heart to carry<em>  
><em>My beloved was weighed down<em>  
><em>My arms around his neck<em>  
><em>My fingers laced to crown.<em>

_I was a heavy heart to carry_  
><em>My feet dragged across ground<em>  
><em>And he took me to the river<em>  
><em>Where he slowly let me drown<em>

_My love has concrete feet_  
><em>My love's an iron ball<em>  
><em>Wrapped around your ankles<em>  
><em>Over the waterfall<em>  
><em>- Florence + The Machine, "Heavy in Your Arms"<em>

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><p><em><strong>Leah POV<strong>_

I don't know when I no longer saw Jacob as my little brother but instead a man. I don't know when I choose to stop loving Sam, but suddenly I was in love with Jacob. I know all the secrets that Sam was keeping from me back then lead me to Jacob. I feel like Sam was just shouldering all the weight of our "relationship." My heart belongs to Jacob now.

At this moment, I can say I have no regrets. The past five years have been the best and the absolute worst of times, but I love it. Who loves getting their heart broken, and who willingly gets into a relationship with a man who is clearly trying to have his cake and eat it too?

Apparently, I do. I Leah Clearwater am in love with Jacob Black.

I love everything about him. From the way his smile can outshine the sun; or the way he crinkles his forehead when he tells a lie. I love the way my hand feels in his. I love the way he can make me feel extremely breakable, but extremely strong at the same time. I love the way he calls me on my bullshit. I love the way he tried to walk the thin line between Bella and me. That boy has some big alpha balls! I'll give him that.

I think that's the animal side of him. The side that is all Alpha wolf. The side of Jacob that wants what it wants; and doesn't care who he hurts. When I decided to really love him I accepted this part of him. I knew it was there. I just had hoped that he would fight it for us.

_**Flashback 5 years ago**_

Sam is always gone. I am not buying this "tribal business" shit! We are engaged so how the hell does he think its okay to keep secrets? More importantly, what kind of fool does he take me for? "tribal business," what a load of shit!

"All right, pull yourself together bitch!"

Great, now I am talking to myself! I pause to look at myself in the mirror. There are dark circles under my eyes. When did I get those? I reach up and touch my face. I look like shit. My hair is limp and lifeless. I don't know when the last time I had a proper night's sleep. Oh no, when is the last time I've been happy?

"If I am telling the truth the only time I feel anything is when Jake is around."

I was talking to my reflection in the mirror. I can't get anymore fucked up then that. However, the words I spoke to my reflection were not a lie. Jacob makes me happy. He sets my world a glow and takes me back to happier times. Before my life got complicated and adult in nature.

Looking at the time I realized it is four o'clock in the afternoon. He's home from school by now. I can take a quick shower, put on some make up, and catch him before it gets too late.

Once I was dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror again. I looked like a new woman. Sam's Lee-Lee was gone. She was a little girl. His childhood sweetheart; but when I think about Jake.

Shivers pass down my spine. This is so crazy but I have to do something about it. I have to tell him how I feel, and I need to make him see. Without a second thought I marched out of my house and to his garage. I could hear him fooling around with that piece of shit truck. I chuckled to myself. I would die if my father had bought that rusty monster for me!

Looking in the door of his garage, I could see Jacob's strong legs sticking out from under the truck. When did he start looking like a man? It was with that thought that I made the choice to sleep with him. If Sam wanted to have his secrets and lies, then so would I.

I called out to Jake and made my presence known.

_**End of Flashback**_

I looked over a Jacob's sleeping silhouette. What was he still doing here? Honestly, it was the middle of the afternoon now and nobody was looking for him? I am sure Bella was in a small uproar. I laughed at the thought of her pale face flushed deep crimson from screaming and yelling.

She must have gone to see her precious Cullens for help or guidance. Otherwise, I am pretty sure she'd be banging at my door by now. I slid out of bed and walked down the hall to get my phone.

I text my mom to let her know I am fine, and I would be over to see Joseph in a few hours. "Son of Jacob," how appropriate was that name. As if he could belong to anyone else. I quickly delete my messages and her responses and put my phone back in the lock box.

I head back to the bedroom, poor Jake. He looks like he hasn't slept so peacefully in years. Oh well. I head into the bathroom and decide to take a quick shower. I came out dressed and ready to tear a new asshole into Jacob.

I walk into the kitchen and fill a pot up with ice water and go into the bedroom.

"Jake. Papi? I need you to wake up."

I put the pot on the night stand and run my fingers through his hair. He flips over on his back with a satisfied grin on his face.

"Don't open your eyes, Papi. I have something I want to give you."

"Oh, I am ready for whatever you wanna give me Love."

"Are you sure? It's nice and wet. You sure you can handle it? You might get soaked."

Jacob now has a grin on his face and bit down on his lower lip. He reaches his hand under the sheet to grab himself. He really thought I was talking dirty. Poor fella.

"Come on, Leah stop playing and give it to me!"

That was all the invitation I needed. I jump up, grab the pot, and splash its ice cold contents all over him. He is pause only fora moment before he leaps out of the bed.

"What the fuck is your problem Leah! Ice water, really?"

Jacob was pissed. You could literally see the water vapor rising off his body due to his high temperature.

"Oh relax! You're the big bad alpha. A little ice water shouldn't bother you. I figured this way when you go crawling back to Bella you'd already be clean. I was doing you a favor Jacob."

I stood there half lying through my teeth. I folded my arms across my chest and waited for him to tell me I was wrong. To tell me that he wasn't going to go back to her.

"Well, what are you going to do Black?"

He scrubs at his face with his bare hands. He turned his back on me and let out a low growl.

"Leah! You know it's not that simple. We are married now. Bella's getting ready to have our baby. I just can't walk out on our family Leah."

Jacob was facing me now. Pleading with his eyes for me to back off and understand. If he only knew that it wasn't his baby. His son was a few miles down the road. He's probably eating way too much candy right now thanks to his Grandma Sue.

"What about me, Jake? What about what I have been through? Do you ever think about that? I walked away from everyone and everything I had ever known. Just because you had a crazy obsession with Bella!"

Bella, saying her name. Letting it come out of my mouth made me physically ill. I looked at him. He raised his eyebrows in irritation.

"Where have you been, Leah? How long have you been up? Did you go to her? Did you tell her I was in your bed? Answer me Leah!"

Jacob was in my face now. He walked toward me and caused me to become trapped between the wall and his chest. I looked at his eyes and could see he was genuinely worried that I had gone and told Bella about his moment of weakness. It was laughable!

"Ha ha! You come here last night like the little lost puppy that you are. Have your way with me. Slept in my bed. Screamed my name all morning, but your worried about if your "precious" Bella is in pain!"

Push myself off the wall and slam into his body in effort to get him away from me.

"Get the hell out of my house!"

I ball my fist up and punch him in the jaw. I am surprised his teeth didn't come out. Oh no! He's bleeding. Why the hell did he let me hit him? I am not stronger then Jake. He had to let me do it, but why?

"Ok, Leah."

He raised his hand in surrender, and backs away from me slowly. The pain in his eyes was evident. He was a dead man walking literally living in his own hell. Should I tell him? Should I say something about Bella; or let him know about his son?

"Fuck! Look I didn't mean to hit you Jake. You know how I feel about you."

"No, I don't. If you loved me then why did you leave? Three years. Three years and no calls, emails, tweets, nothing. I know what I did and how I did it was bad but you did not even try to stop me. So, how do I know that you care? I am just the poor little puppy you used to fuck. The guy you used to piss off your ex-fiancé."

He reached down and started looking for his clothes.

"Jacob, that's not true. I've always wanted you, and I never used you to get back at Sam. All I've ever really wanted for the last five years is you. Jacob, I love you and I never stopped but I won't be your dirty little secret. I am not saying you have to choose today, but you can't love us both. You can't creep into my bed and go running back to her."

He was staring at me. He looked like a man about to be put to death. He looked lost.

"Fine, I understand. Just promise me you're not going to run off again. Please, Leah I'll die for sure this time. Don't leave like that again."

Jacob crossed the room and captured both of my hands in his. He looked into my eyes willing me to say yes. Lord knows I wanted to tell him yes.

"I'll give you eight weeks! That is it. You can use that time to figure out what you want. I suggest you use some of it to figure out if your wife is who she says she is. More importantly, I think you should use that time to get to know Joseph."

I don't know, when I decided that this was the best time to tell him about his son; but it was either now or never. He needed to know him even if it was only for two months.

Jacob backed away from me. He was shaking. Oh, shit! I probably should have waited.

"Leah! Who the hell is Joseph?"

"Calm down Black. You don't want to do that in the house! Please calm down it's not what you think. Joseph is not my boyfriend!"

"Then who the hell is he Leah and why do I need to know him?"

"His name is Joseph William Black Clearwater, and he's your son."

"My son!"

That did it! Jacob erupts into the gigantic russet wolf that I love.

"Who is going to fix my damn room?


	3. Chapter 3 Sweet Dreams

**AN: **Warning this is rated MA for Sexual Situations and Language... Now is the time to leave if you are prone to being offended. You've been warned :-)

**Beta**: Dorme99, I think u know how I feel about u...lol ;-)

_******Yeah... still no progress on me buying the rights for twilight... so...any suggestions? ROTFL******_

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><p><strong>Chapter 2- Sweet Dreams<strong>

_I wanna use you and abuse you  
>I wanna know what's inside you<br>Movin' on, movin' on, movin' on  
>Movin' on, movin' on, movin' on, movin' on<em>

Sweet dreams are made of these  
>Who am I to disagree?<br>Travel the world and the seven seas  
>Everybody's looking for something<p>

Some of them want to use you  
>Some of them want to get used by you<br>Some of them want to abuse you  
>Some of them want to be abused<p>

I'm gonna use you and abuse you  
>I'm gonna know what's inside<br>Gonna use you and abuse you  
>I'm gonna know what's inside you<br>-Marilyn Manson, "Sweet Dreams"

__  
><em><strong>Bella POV<strong>_

**_Flashback 3 years and 2 months ago_**

I am going to hell, but I don't care. I will do whatever it takes to have him. I'll do whatever is required in order to keep him around. They can't be together. They just can't.

I was on my way back from Jacob's house. I put my plan into motion. Well it was not my plan but Alice's plan. I was driving straight to her house so I could give her and the rest of my family the report.

I shake my head back and forth this is so wrong but I can't let them down. If I can't keep Leah and Jacob apart then they'll die. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happens.; and since I can not be with Edward, at least I get to have Jacob.

I pull up in front of the house and Alice is at my door in a flash.

"Well, how did it go? Did he buy it? Does he really think your going to marry Edward?"

"Yeah, he's pissed. I'll be surprised if he makes it the whole two months, but we should probably put a wedding together just in case. Alice, are you sure about this? I could always just marry Edward for real. I could just keep with the original plan and let them be happy, right?"

Alice turns her golden gaze on me. She shake her head "no."

"Bella, I know it's hard but this is the best thing for everyone. Trust me."

I shrug my shoulders and let her lead me toward the house. What's a girl to do? I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want anyone to die or suffer; but my hands are tied. I have to protect as many people as possible. I have to do what Alice says.

_**End of Flashback**_

I sit up in bed. I hate when I think or dream about the past. All the mistakes I've made. All of the people I have hurt. All of the lies I've told; and the ones that were told to me. I look out the window. Another day was dawning, and then it hits me.

Jacob was not here. I can feel how cold the sheets are. I get up and march to his office but he's not there. I walk downstairs and look in the kitchen, the living room, and out on the deck. Oh no! This can't be good. He with her. I can feel it. They can't make up. They definitely can't have sex, and more importantly they can not have any children together. If they do then we are all doomed.

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><p><em><strong>Seth's POV<strong>_

_**"Ring, Ring, Ring!"**__  
><em>  
>Who the hell is calling this time of morning? I look at my phone and jump up.<p>

"Is everything all right? Did he do something to you?

I listen carefully to the love of my life on the phone. I wish we could actually be together. I wish we were in the same house, and I got to wake up to her face in the morning. She was like an angel to me. Ok, she was more like a dark angel but she was mine none the less.

Sure, she might live with him, and sleep in his bed but they were not really in love. No, that love died a long time ago. Their love died before I even got involved.

"I hear you! There's no need to shout. I'll be there in an hour. Yes, the usual place is fine. Oh, princess, I got you something, a gift for my two favorite people."

I hang up the phone and turn on my iPod with the remote as I head into the bathroom to shower for the day. As I start the water, Marilyn Manson's music begins to fill the room. "Sweet Dreams," how appropriate because God knows I understand every line of that song when it comes to our relationship. I step in and close my eyes as the water sprays over my face.

Her image immediately fills my mind. Oh God, I don't have time for this. I don't need to dwell on the past.

_**Flashback 2 years and 6months**_

"Is he home?"

"You know he's not here Seth. So, you should come in before someone sees you."

She opens the door wider and steps aside. I walk in and try to focus my mind. I have to tell her that he was my best friend and I couldn't do this to him. I have to tell her that I was done dancing around the issue.

"Well, you're here now and considering the time of night I am guessing this is not a social visit. So, lay it on me, Seth. What do you think you need to say to me that I don't already know?"

She walks up behind me and lays her head against my shoulders. I take a deep breath and pull myself away from her grasp.

"I can't do this! This will kill him! We will destroy everything. He helped me find myself. He's one of the only people that believed in me after my dad died. We can't do this anymore. I am sorry."

She walks toward me and begins to unbutton her shirt-dress. I feel like she's the wolf and I am the human. She gets right in front of me and lets her dress fall to the floor. What is she thinking? Is she really coming on to me in their house? He'll smell it.

"Don't worry. I know how to get rid of your smell in the house. I want you Seth. Please, I love you. He does not see me like you do. I will always be tainted in his eyes. Seth, you're the representation of everything that was good in him. Everything, I feel in love with before all that changed. Please. Please, Seth let's just try it once. If it doesn't work out I'll let you go."

This girl is dangerous. I am a man, but how do I say no without crushing her? How do I say no with her perfect naked body standing in front of me? Please, God or whoever is listening gives me strength. I need to say no.

"Look, I am flattered and all but I'm not going to play this game! This is wrong. Plain and simple."

"No, it's right! It can be so right. I know you're scared he's like your big brother and he's your boss. I get why you're affraid. I won't hurt you Seth. I just want to feel loved and special; even if it's only for tonight."

She finishes her siren's song and I was captivated. She put her arms around my neck and kisses me. This was not a gentle kiss either. She uses her tongue and teeth to bite and nip at my mouth. My brain goes into auto pilot because I kiss her back.

"Do you want me here or in the bedroom?"

I know I am weak but I asked for strength and now I am tired of waiting. I am tired of being the good boy while everyone else lives it up.

"Upstairs! Hurry I can't wait much longer."

She practically moans the words and I scoop her up in my arms. She wraps he legs around my waist rubbing her hot center over my crotch. I lose focus and almost stumble at the thought of what I am about to do.

I take four stairs at a time and now we're in her bedroom. Her bedroom I don't want to think of it as theirs. I need to just think of this as her house, and her bed.

I press her into the mattress. I can feel her reaching between us and undoing my pants. I reach down to help her pull them off me. She peels my shirt off and now we're both lying there. Naked as the day we were born. Born, what a funny thought to have before your first time.

"Do you love me?"

"I love you, Seth?"

That's all I need to hear before I baptize myself in her. I know this is wrong but I no longer care. The more I hear her scream my name; the more I don't give a shit. I am a new man. I feel like I am being reborn as I take her to places I've never taken any woman before.

"Seth, oh my god. My legs are numb."

She looks at me panting. She's sweating but it looks like morning dew on her milky skin. How many times has she peaked? I lost count at ten. I haven't even climaxed once. Shit! How long have we been doing this?

I roll us over so she is on top of me. I look in her hooded eyes. She smiles at me.

"Seth, I am going to ride you, and you're going to come! Do you understand me?"

I nod my head at her and she starts riding me with a strength I didn't know she had.

"Oh Fuck! Go faster! Please go faster!"

I growl out to her as she slows down the pace.

"Not until you say my name Seth."

She's grinning at me, as she moves even slower. I feel like a bomb that needs to be detonated.

"Seth, I want you to say my name and don't call me what he calls me!"

She grinds herself into me. Then she lays flat on my body. She bites at the skin of my neck and chest. I don't want to call out her name because it will make it all real. If I say her name then I am admitting it. I'll be admitting the fact that I am in love with my best friend's girl.

"Damn it! Please princess, don't make me beg. Move faster! I am dying here. I want to see you bouncing on me. I need to cum in you now!"

She smirks at me.

"Not until you say my name baby wolf."

"Baby wolf, I'll show just how much of a wolf I am!"

That did it! I growl at her and grab onto her hips with enough force to leave a mark. I start lifting her up and spearing her on my shaft. She is screaming. I hope no one is listening.

"Seth, say it!"

She roars at me and I am so far gone that I don't give a shit anymore!

"Bella! Fuck, Bella! I fucking hate you!"

I never came like that in my entire life. She leans down and now she is kissing my chest. We're both out of breath. I can feel myself pulsing inside her. Bella's body quakes and she lets out a satisfying moan.

What the hell have I done?

_**End of Flashback**_

I was brought back to the present by the force of me climaxing in the shower. I shook my head rinse off and get out of the shower. I quickly dress and pick up the gift basket I had made for her and the baby.

Baby? Whose baby was it? Did I get her pregnant or Jake? I feel like the baby is mine, or at least I want it to be. I feel like we need to come clean. I feel like I don't want to be used and abused anymore.

I got in my car, pullout the driveway and head toward Bella. We were going to our favorite spot. We need to talk about things not just fuck. I am tired of just fucking her. I want a life with her. I want a life filled with her and our baby.


	4. Ch 4 All I Ever Do Part 1

**AN: ****Thanks you! Thank you to everyone who loves this story; left a review; added to your Fav list or alerts... You all are blowing me away with your support! **

**_Of course, I don't own twilight in any way. I am just borrowing a few things for pure entertainment! I am seeing Breaking Jacob tonight so.. keep me in ur prayers LOL_**

***** If you really love the story you should also show my beta: Dorme99 some love! She works out all my kinks and more! *****

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><p><strong>Chapter 3, Part 1-All I Ever Do Is Say Goodbye<strong>

_Just when I had you off my head  
>Your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed<br>You say you wanna try again  
>But I've tried everything but giving in<em>

Why you wanna break my heart again  
>Why am I gonna let you try<p>

When all we ever do is say goodbye  
>All we ever do is say goodbye<br>All we ever do is say goodbye  
>All we ever do is say goodbye<p>

I bought a ticket on a plane  
>And by the time it landed you had gone again<p>

I love you more than songs can say  
>But I can't keep running after yesterday<p>

Why you wanna break my heart again  
>Why am I gonna let you try<br>-John Mayer, "All We Ever Do is Say Goodbye"

I hang up the phone. What the hell am I doing? I know what Seth is up to. He wants to be together, but what he does not understand is that I can never love him. I can never love Jacob either.

I pace the floor in the foyer as I think about the chaos around me. I know in my heart that Jacob is with Leah. Why do I even care? I should let him be happy. I should just tell the Cullens to fuck off and stop dealing in what ifs. I already know what Edward was telling me in the beginning was a lie and that Alice was helping him.

I know that Edward keeps me in his life because I am an amusement to him. He get's off on knowing that I am his puppet. No matter how badly he treats me I can't help but still love him.

In the depths of my already dysfunctional heart; past the big piece that now belongs to Seth; and the smaller portion that will forever belong to Jacob lies the sad little drawer that screams for Edward. This part of my heart contains the dark shadows of a life that I still dream of having on a daily basis.

_**Flashback to November 2004 Thanksgiving Holiday**_

I have chosen to leave. I am going back to Forks. Really it is the only option left for me. My mother is too busy with her own life and marriage to deal with my issues. I don't have any friends or other family here because I am weird. Everyone in the whole state of Arizona knows it.

As I look out the window of my sad little room, I see the vast open space of an urban city trying to seamlessly mix with the voided desert. I miss home. I miss the lushness of the forest. I constantly wake up from dreams where I can smell the rain and salt and earth mixing together in my nose.  
>More importantly, if my dreams are right and they hardly ever are wrong. I will find him there. I will find the one that will give me what my heart desires most. A family, love unconditionally, and <em>money<em>.

I look down at myself and it's sad. No one would ever notice me. I don't blame them the clothes that Renee keeps me in don't help my whimsical persona. My mother made sure she was the star and I was her pauper. I am her little charity case instead of her only daughter. At least with Charlie I would never have to say goodbye. He loved me and would always be there and he would never let me fall.

I also knew I would have an extended family in La Push with Jacob and Billy. I love Jacob as a brother and Billy like a father so that was a bonus. However, I know that my dream man is waiting there and he is an outsider like me. He will be an old soul like I am and we will be happy and in love.

I look at the time. I take a big breath and decide to call Charlie. It's time to tell him the truth about how life is with Renee. If I have to I will beg my daddy to bring me home. I want to be home with him; with Billy and Jacob; and especially with the man of my dreams.

_**End of Flashback**_

I'm was making my way to the door when I get an overwhelming feeling of dread. Shit! She was here! I don't have time for her right now. I need to talk to Seth. I need to hear him out and tell him the truth for once about my past and who I am. I need to tell him that I'll fight it all for him and the baby. I will die to make all the things I did right.

I reach the door and take a deep breath because I am pretty sure when I open it, I will be face to face with Leah. I open the door and I was right. Well sort of, Leah was there; but I was not expecting her to have Emily and Sam flanking her on either side.

"Well played! Very well played Leah! They've been helping you this whole time haven't they? You all are good actors and you call me the liar? You three prance around here acting like you don't want to share the same dirt under your feet with each other, but here you all are together against me."

Leah starts smiling like she is all to please with herself. She even gives me a wink before she opens up her mouth and begins her attack on me.

"Against you Bella, why is it always about you? What about the people you've hurt? What about what you're doing to my brother! Don't look at me like that! We know about all your dirty secrets! You couldn't be satisfied with Jacob, and getting me out of the way for sparkle nuts. So you go for the kill and snatch my brother into your harem too?"

I start crying. I blame these damn pregnancy hormones. No matter how much I'd like to deny what she's saying, I have to admit that she's kind of right. I don't have the mental strength to fight right now. I look at Emily and something about her catches me off guard. Emily looks like she's happy, but about what. She catches me looking at her and she puts back on her serene mask. Nonetheless it is too late. She is on my radar now.

"Leah can we do this another time? Jake isn't here ok? I know he was with you last night or this morning or whatever time of day it was. I know we need to "have it out," and I know I owe you answers..."

She jumps up in my face than.

"Look trollop! Let's get something clear I don't fucking like you. Your trouble with a capital "T," and your a cunt to boot! However, you owe more than answers to me Bella. You need to air out your dirty laundry before I do! I know Bella. About everything, including your association with a bunch of leeches who still fund your operation. You have a week. One week to tell Seth and Jacob before I do! Do you understand me?"

I look at the three them. I am so feed up with my own life that I don't care anymore. I let out a deep breath and nod my head at Leah.

"Ok, Leah. I got one week. Can I go meet up with Seth before Jacob gets back? I need to tell him some things anyway."

Emily, Leah, and Sam back away from my door and allow me to pass them. I am walking to my car with tears still clinging to my face. Leah clears her throat and speaks the words that confirm my worst nightmares.

"Oh Bella, darling can you tell Jacob that his son and I will be at my mother's house. We will be staying there until Sam and the boys can repair the damage to my house."

I turn around at a speed that should not be reserved for pregnant women. I march up to Leah. She has a satisfying grin spread wide on her face because she thinks she just hurt me.

In actuality, she just set me free! Now I know my days are counting down. They will come for us. I will sacrifice myself for everyone. I'll have my redemption.

"Thank you! Thank you Leah! Now I can die!"

I surprise Leah by throwing my arms around her. The last thing I remember before slipping into unconsciousness is Leah asking, "Emily, what the hell is she going on about?"

I smile as my world turns to darkness. All I ever do is say goodbye.

EN: Part 2 is coming to you soon... I will try my best to get it out before the Thanksgiving Holiday! Please Read and Review! ;-)


	5. Ch 5All I Ever Do Part 2

**AN: Thanks for all the love on this story! You all rock! I hope you enjoy Part 2, because part 3 of this chapter is on the way! **

**Chapter 3, Part 2-All I Ever Do Is Say Goodbye **

_Hold me closer one more time,_

_Say that you love me in your last goodbye,_

_Please forgive me for my sins,_

_Yes, I swam dirty waters,_

_But you pushed me in,_

_I've seen your face under every sky,_

_Over every border and on every line,_

_You know my heart more than I do,_

_We were the greatest, me and you,_

_But we had time against us,_

_And miles between us,_

_The heavens cried,_

_I know I left you speechless,_

_But now the sky has cleared and it's blue,_

_And I see my future in you,_

_I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,_

_I put my hands up,_

_I'll do everything different,_

_I'll be better to you,_

_I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,_

_I put my hands up,_

_I'll be somebody different,_

_I'll be better to you_

_-Adele, "I'll Be Waiting"_

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><p><em><strong>Leah POV<strong>_

"Who is going to fix my damn room?"

Even though, this was technically a rhetorical question. Jacob could have at least thought about it before he left me screaming like an idiot. Whatever, I have things to do and people to talk to. I walk out of the room and to the kitchen where I keep my phone under lock and key.

Reaching into the box I grab my phone and I take a deep breath. I realized it's now or never. I scroll through my ambiguous list of contacts till I get to the two people who ironically had my back. On the fourth ring she picks up.

"Yes."

"It's time, I'm coming over now."

"What about Jacob?"

"He went wolf in the house... knows about Joey...are you still there?"

"Leah! Why did you tell him? Come on over. I'll tell Sam to send the boys so they can assess the damage to you house."

"Alright, I am walking out the door now."

I grab my bag while shaking my head and head for the door. How did I get myself into this mess! As I put my hand on the doorknob it came rushing back to me. I am the one to blame because I did this to myself. Running away never solved my issues. I never should've listened to Emily.

_**Flashback August 13th, 2007 (Bella and Edward's Wedding Day)**_

All I can do is run. However, I had no where to run to and no one to help me. Something is not right about this whole Bella thing. I don't trust her, and I definitely do not trust the Cullens. There is only one person I can trust. Well I use to trust her, but I have no other choice.

I make my way to her house and can smell her and ...Sam. I take a moment to get myself together, and march up to their back door. As I get to the steps, Sam has the door open and ushers me in.

"So, I take it he is going after her one last time?"

"Yes."

I look at Sam and he shakes his head at me. He walks out the room and comes back with Emily. They both study me.

"Look, I know I should not be here. I have no where else to go and..."

I start crying. The tears roll down my face. I feel not only weak but stupid. This is karma coming to bite me in the ass. I should have never started this relationship with Jacob on a lie. I should have made a real effort to forgive Emily.

"I just want to apologize to both of you. I went about things the wrong way with you Sam. I should have ended things first, and now I know how it must have felt for you. Can you forgive me?"

"Leah, there's nothing to forgive its water under the bridge."

"I understand that Sam, but Emily can you forgive me too?"

Emily looks around the room.

"Yeah, I guess so. Not like it really matters. You'll be leaving anyways. Why would you stick around and see him with her. Why stay here and watch everyone be happy but you. Matter of fact Leah, you should go while you're ahead. Before, anyone even knows you're missing. I am sure Jake is on his way to Bella by now."

I look at Sam and he just turns in the direction of their bedroom and leaves me alone with Emily. I look at her. She is not budging.

"I get it Emily. Only you deserve to be the happy one in this. Just remember that I know what your father desires. I know some of your secrets."

Emily gets into my face and begins to mumble something in a harsh unfamiliar language. The next thing I know. I am walking out of her house, and on my way out of La Push. I barely stop long enough to pack my things. I leave a half written note for my family in a foggy haze. My first clear thought is reaching the Canadian border. Why did I decide to leave?

_**End of Flashback**_

I shake my head from the memory as I take my stuff and put it in the car. I am starting to really question what Emily is capable of. I get behind the wheel, turn on the car; and begin to navigate to Emily and Sam's house.

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><p><em><strong>Emily POV<strong>_

Once I hear the line go dead. I run to the bedroom and peak in on Sam. He was still asleep, but I can not take any chances. I come into the room so I can focus my energy on him. I begin asking Sxwayok for her help. I tell her to keep Sam asleep until I need him. I ask her to keep my family's secret just a little while longer.

I have come too far to fail my father now. I am his daughter and I will do his will first. I look at Sam's sleeping body.

"Sam, I am so sorry you have to suffer because of me, but I had no choice. You had to imprint on me. Sxwayok told my father it was the only way she could get the children. She's so hungry now. She needs them Sam. My people need her so that they can have a gift too. I mean is it really fair that only this tribe is special?"

I look at Sam's sleeping body. I don't know why I feel the need to get this off my chest. I turn and leave the room. I pick up my phone and give my father an update on what is going on here so he can let "the pack" know.

"Daddy… Yes, she and the baby boy are home. They will be staying here with me of course... They were together last night...Yes, he knows about Joey...No, I am not sure if she is pregnant again it just happened...I know we need two babies... I know one has to be a girl...No, Bella's baby is not Jake's...He doesn't know that Daddy. Ok, I'll work on her forgiving Jake... You know she wants him...I will do it Daddy I don't need the pack here right now...Soon... Very soon Daddy...We've got all the time in the world!" (This is from Don't Be Afraid of the Dark Movie)

The line goes dead. I hear Leah pulling up to the house. I put on my game face and call out for Sam. He appears almost immediately in front of me. I feel bad at keeping him under my control like this.

"Don't worry Sam this will all be over soon...we've got the rest of our lives together. I will protect you from my family. They won't hurt you. I won't let them!"

_**Leah POV**_

I arrive at Emily's house, and time just flies by. I remember giving her the run down on what was going on between Jake and me. It was basically a play by play. I couldn't help but wonder why I would tell her all of that. Emily and Sam suggest maybe I should have another baby with Jake as away to force his hand.

"After all, we all know that baby is Seth's. So, he will be mourning the lost of a child plus he will know about Bella and Seth's betrayal soon. Have another baby with him Leah! Ease the Alpha's pain, but more importantly yours. This time he could be there for you. Rub your belly and love you as his mate. Give him another heir Leah. Give him a daughter."

I felt like Emily was once again forcing me to do her will. I shake my head trying to keep the thought of having a child with Jake out of my mind. I do love him. I never stopped loving him once in the three years I was away. Joseph needs his father too. We could all be a happy family. I want that so much.

"Leah, listen to me! You can do this we are strong. We are family. We will have what we want. I saw a Raven today. Ask the Raven for what you want. Daddy even told me so. Ask the Raven Leah. He will bless you with love and light."

I knew it! Emily and her father are up to no good again. Messing around with the spirit world was not a good practice to be into. Especially the dark side, and I had a bad feeling it was the dark side. Her father's favorite was the cannibal woman and her basket of children. Wait whose children are they after?

"Stop it Emily! You and your father better to stop listening to that cannibal, do you hear me? Leave the Basket Ogress alone. She will eat you and your own children if you don't be careful. Matter of fact who's baby does she want Emily?"

Emily steps forward. Placing her hands on my shoulder she looks into my eyes before she quiets my fears.

"Have no fear cousin. Your children are safe! You know I will protect you all with my own blood if I have to. Who has been there for you? Who gave you the information you needed? We were your allies? Me! Sam and I protected your secrets, and we will do so until the end of time."

I look at Emily and Sam they are all I have had for the past three years. They are all I have right now. I know what I need to do.

"Come on! Let's go face that pale face bitch. I had Seth's phone tapped. I know she is going to meet him today while Jake is a way. It's time she knows just who she is fucking with!"

Sam and Emily both have a smirk on their faces. Sam gets to the door first and motions us ahead of him. This is going to be fun. I mean I won't hurt Bella because she is pregnant with my niece. I just want my Jacob back. Just the thought of him kicks my heart into overdrive.

"Don't worry Leah. You will get Jacob back. You are destined to be with him. It is what the Raven wants. Look!"

Emily is pointing up to the sky. I lift my head to see a large Raven gliding through the air. The Raven crows and cast a gray shadow over all of us, before it disappears into the clouds. It's the sign I have been waiting for. I rush to the car. We all are excited now. The Raven has our back.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Off in the distance, up in the clouds the Raven and the Great Wolf Spirit watch with sad eyes. They silently ask each other what we should do.<em>**

**"We have to intervene and save them Raven. It's not right what your daughter is doing. She can't sacrifice my children to the Sxwayok! You know I am right Raven. I know you want your people to have power, but don't let them turn to darkness. You know the Cold ones will come if the Sxwayok gets the children. If that happened, we both know that we would all turn back to dust. There will be no one left to believe in us. We will move on to nothingness!"**

**Raven thought long and hard about what the Great Wolf Spirit said. She knew he was right.**

**"Ok, your right. Reveal yourself to Bella. Reveal yourself to Quil Sr., the Great Alpha, and his boy. I will take care of the She Wolf because she is what binds us all together. Her daughter and Bella's daughter will save us from the darkness. They will save us from the cold."**

* * *

><p><strong>EN: If anyone has in questions about this update u can always PM me. Also, Bella is coming up next so just hold on a little while longer...Thanks for reading and reviewing! <strong>


	6. Ch 6 All I Ever Do Part 3

**AN:** Sorry for the delay with this update but I had to re-work things in the story. I hope you all enjoy this one, and Chapter 4 will be here very soon.

**Beta:****Melinda (Dorme99) ... **Thanks for coaching me down off my **WHY DID I WRITE THIS LEDGE** ... Luv ya tons!

* * *

><p><strong>All I Ever Do Is Say Goodbye- Chapter 3, Part 3<strong>

_So soft and so tragic_

_As a slaughterhouse._

_You press the knife_

_Against your heart._

_And say that,_

_"I love you, so much you must kill me now..."_

_If I was your vampire,_

_Certain as the moon,_

_Instead of killing time,_

_We'll have each other_

_Until the sun._

_If I was your vampire,_

_Death waits for no one._

_Hold my hands_

_Across your face,_

_Because I think_

_Our time has come..._

_This is where it starts._

_This is where it will end._

_Here comes the moon again._

_-Marilyn Manson, "If I Was Your Vampire"_

* * *

><p><em>In actuality, she just set me free! Now I know my days are counting down. They will come for us. I will sacrifice myself for everyone. I'll have my redemption.<em>

"_Thank you! Thank you Leah! Now I can die!"_

_I surprise Leah by throwing my arms around her. The last thing I remember before slipping into unconsciousness is Leah asking, "Emily, what the hell is she going on about?"_

_I smile as my world turns to darkness. All I ever do is say goodbye._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Bella POV <strong>_

All I can hear is chaos around me. At first, I want the darkness to take me but then I remember the baby inside me. Our child needs me to fight. Seth would be crushed if something happened to us both. At least, I can leave some small piece of me behind for him.

"The ambulance is on its way! Keep her breathing Leah. Jake and Seth would never forgive us if she died!"

"I am trying my best here!"

As Emily and Leah yell at each other, I continue to struggle and fight off the darkness. My heart tells me that only Seth can do that for me. I conjure up an image of him looking lovingly at me.

Regret instantly consumes me as I am forced to admit to myself that Jacob needs to know everything. I blink my eyes and focus in on a figure that looks like Leah.

"Leah, please don't let me die or at least keep your niece or nephew alive," my voice sounds so fragile and weak.

As soon as my message is delivered, my vision goes hazy. I can feel my eyes fluttering, yet every now and then, I can make out glimpses of my surroundings. The first thing I focus on is the grey cloud that is above my head.

Then my point of view shifts and I starred at the glorious scene around me play out. My vision is filled with images of nature that call out for my attention. Mainly, the tall dark green trees that mean so much to me.

At the same time, the crisps air on my face diverted my attention away for the moment. Finally, a wave of peace engulfed my entire being. Then physically I felt myself sigh heavily.

Leah's dominating voice cuts into my serenity," Isabella Swan Black! You will not die on me! Do you understand me? I don't care how messed up your life is! You will not take the coward's way out! You can't do this to Seth! He loves you! Isabella! Bella! Stay with me! Seth is on his way!"

Seth. My heart started to beat faster. He needs me to make it even if it's only to have this baby. I want to give him something of us. Something tangible that can live on after I am gone.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Flashback Four Months ago<strong>_

"_Baby, you need to get up you know Jake comes home today."_

"_I know, but I never want to leave you Seth," I open my eyes and gaze into his gorgeous face._

_Seth leans in, and kisses me on the lips, bends over, and kisses my barley showing belly. _

"_So, tell him Bella. Just come out with it and I'll be there for you and our baby. We both know it's mine. Jake is never here long enough to do any real work."_

"_Seth, it's not that easy," I get out of bed and start gathering my clothes up, but of course Seth slides out bed too._

_Seth locks his strong, warm arms around my waist and places his head on my shoulder. We both sigh as I relax into his body. We stand there in silence for a few minutes as Seth sways us left and right._

"_I know your not ready honey bunny, but I can't wait forever. I need to tell Jacob. You need to divorce him and we need to be a family for our baby, please."_

_I hate when Seth talks this way. I try to get out of his grasp but he just tightens his hold on me. His warm lips start leaving a trail of warm butterfly kisses on my shoulder._

_Seth begins to whisper the words that he knows will calm me down, "You know I am not leaving you Bella even if I have to wait in the wings. I just want some small piece of you. Something the whole world can see."_

_**End of Flashback**_

* * *

><p>Leah voice brought me back from the edge of no where, "Dammit, Bella! Think about your baby! Please, for Seth! Stay with me!"<p>

How strange of her to say that because, I was thinking about my baby. All I care about is this baby. That's why when the time comes I will sacrifice myself. Jake will finally get to be with Leah and their son.

Seth will move on he's young and this is just his first love. He'll have the best and the brightest piece of me and that is our baby. I know the baby inside me is a mixture of Seth and me. Mixture all the love I had left to give to him.

A mixture of all the pure, sweet, and innocent life he poured inside me. Everything about this child was light. I could feel that now. I could almost feel warmth spreading inside me.

As I close my eyes a bright light takes over my line of vision. I feel myself floating to a place where only love and light resides. Suddenly, my vision is clear again. I look around and I'm up above the clouds. The first thing that crosses my mind is, "Am I dead? When did I leave my body behind?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Seth POV<strong>_

Wow, did I go to sleep while waiting for Bella because suddenly my phone ringing jolts me out of my sleep. I grab it quickly and look at the screen. Why is Emily calling me?

"Hello? Emily? What's all that noise in the background?"

My heart begins to beat rapidly. I wonder can shape-shifters have a heart attack. I wait for what she has to say with a heavy sigh.

"Seth, you need to get to Forks Hospital right now! Bella passed out and Leah is riding with her in the ambulance. She's stable but they are saying her blood pressure is too high. They may have to do an emergence c-section."

"What!"

I throw my phone on the seat as I start up the car and speed off in the direction of the hospital. This can not be happening. I love her too much to lose her. I don't even truly have her yet! This is my fault. Now, our baby might have to pay for our transgressions.

I lose track of time and skid into a parking space at the hospital. I barely get the car in park before I jump out with my phone in hand. Sam is waiting at the front door.

"Sam, please tell me. How bad is it?"

Sam looks at me with tears in his eyes, "They got the baby out. She's stable but you can't see her. No one can until her husband shows up."

I lock eyes with Sam and the anger is pouring off of me in waves.

"Excuse me! What the fuck do you mean? That is my baby inside of Bella, and we both know it! Where the fuck is Jacob then? Huh? Where is he?"

Sam charges at me and proceeds to back me off into the forest edge by the hospital. I'm rapidly losing not just my hold on reality but the caged beast that is inside me. We make it into the forest in the nick of time before I explode and there's nothing left but a cloud of torn clothing.

"_**Jacob! Jacob! Jacob! I am coming for you and I think we need to talk, right now!"**_

I growl out the words in my head. I feel the air shift around me and now I am face to face with Sam's midnight colored wolf. He motions for me to follow him. We take off into the shadows of the trees.

"_**Ok, Seth. I am here. Let's talk about this once and for all."**_

Jacob's thoughts enter our mind. Sam howls into the air letting all the other wolves know that something is wrong.

"_**Jacob, I need to tell you something," I**_ let the words enter my mind as he comes into view.

"_**Save it Seth. I need to tell you something first…"**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Meanwhile...<strong>_

_Alice is lying around the house with the rest of their family when it happens. A new vision comes into her mind. She is gripped with fear at first and then everything goes black._

_Jasper rushes to her side. He looks at her._

"_Well, I guess I can't control this situation anymore. Bella is going to die. She's going to die."_

_All of the Cullens rush to her side. They all are trying to figure out what happened. What changed to make their clever manipulation of Leah, Jake, Bella, and Seth's relationship fall apart? The whole reason for doing this was to make sure all of them stayed off of the Volturi's radar._

"_The Volturi is not the problem! They never were the real problem! Emily and her blasted family is the fucking problem. Leah and Jake have a son! Bella and Seth have a daughter now! The board has been set. All of the pieces are falling into place."_

_Alice looked around at everyone and Esme looked as if she wanted to die all over again._

"_There's always hope Alice. Leah only has a son with Jake. Not a daughter."_

_Jasper was attempting to lighten the mood, but it was not working very well. Alice began to pace. She didn't want to drop the rest of the bomb on everyone. She couldn't tell them that Leah was pregnant, or that she would be soon. That was not in the vision but Alice could feel it in her cold and unmoving heart, especially, if Emily and her melding family had their way._


End file.
